I'm not having a good day. Dishes are piled in the sink and the dishwasher is full and needing unloading. The health insurance company at Mark's work claims not have to received our marriage license to begin my coverage. The bed isn't made. The bathroom tub won't drain. I'm just not having a great day and I don't like this unsettled feeling that I haven't felt in many months.
It seems to be settling in on me like a slow moving fog; hanging around and changing how fast I can move or in what direction. It seems to slow me down in all areas of my life, I can't seem to just shake it off. I don't like it.
I've been staring at my bible study lessons that I need to finish for Thursday's class at church. I can't concentrate. I have five letters that need a response. I've nothing to say. I have to call UPS about a bill we should not have received and I need to put on my learner hat in order to attend ministry school tonight. Immobility is not an option and yet here I am feeling stuck in this chair, stuck in this place of no movement and I keep telling God how much I need that energy He was providing just a week ago....where are you!
I have a lot of work to do and I know much of it stems from the changes happening in the ministry and the call that Mark and I have been in prayer about. We know God is calling us to a level of service we've never experienced and though we feel ready and are excited, the details that have to happen to move forward are in a stalled mode waiting for decisions by others. This indecision mode leaves me feeling like the proverbial duck out of water. My little webbed feet take slow, awkward steps. I was built more for smooth swimming than trodding slowly along.
I just fought with the scanner/copier for over an hour to get our marriage license scanned and emailed off to Mark. That is the sum total of my accomplishments today and it's already 3PM. I have class at 6:30 and have yet to curl my hair or decide on appropriate clothes. As I type this I wonder if anyone cares if I'm struggling today.
Then I remember.
He cares about my bad hair days and He cares about my losses. He cares if I am happy or sad or angry or serene. We heard Joyce Meyer speak about how she learned to even turn her panty hose over to the care of God and I realize she's right. The scanner can become cooperative with God's help. The insurance company can find documents and UPS can reverse an unjust bill with His direction.
God cares about the frustrations in my day and over and over He has proven that to me. I tried to start the day without Him. I need to go back to bed, pull my bible on my lap and have a chat. Then I'll start my day over, this time with God by my side.
I think it's going to be a pretty awesome day!
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