Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Where do I really begin?

So as I start this blog it occurs to me that the retelling of my entire story; well that is, after all "the book" already begun long before I gave birth to this blog idea. How much do I tell? What do I share? There are a million things that have gone on since the day I walked out of county jail and in my heart, it is those things on which I want to focus; the transition, the paralysis, the ministry, the bumps in the road, the engagement and marriage, the walk we take every day with new women.

And then again, there's God at the center.

The learning, ever new, ever deeper. The friendship and love that grows first from Him then from me.

Many have heard the story; I sat at a stainless steel four stool table in the day room at county jail; Q pod it was called, to talk to someone about the devastating news that my daughter was moving to Houston to live with her father and be rescued from the clutches of a "criminal". I was tired, hungry and worn out from gallons of tears shed and all I could say to the quiet clergy who sat there was "First of all I just want you to know, I don't even think there is a God. But I really need someone to talk to." What a segue into any conversation, but with a woman of God? She had to think to herself "Just another inmate, doesn't really know the refinements of proper society!" She's honestly never told me what she did think in that moment, remind me to ask her!

Back to my thoughts, where to begin. Tackling this giant stuffed panda in the room, I have no idea where to start. Do I bring you up to date or jump in with the daily challenges and choices in the ministry, the struggles and the victories? Or do I retell the story and then jump in? One doesn't want to make a hash of things but what to do? So as I've done here I'll retell the story as it appears to relate to today and see how it goes.

Today I sit at my desk with a pile of jail mail in front of me; all begging responses and another stack of more administrative things to be dealt with, a UPS bill from our shipment from Tyndale House for 160 bibles they assured us would be free shipping. Mark (dear hubby you will meet as time goes on) tells me to put on my "CPS voice" (a former life) and get 'em! There is the current call from Pastor Joy updating me on our resident client struggling with car issues. I need to clean my house, after all, all weekend was a blur of a garage sale fundraiser activities to raise badly needed funds for the ministry....oh yes, and there's the ministry you haven't been introduced to yet....Foundation for Success Ministries, Inc.

So that's my day. I start it feeling tired, but uplifted. It's now Tuesday and yes, much to do. First I think I'll spend a few moments in prayer.

I need God.

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